need another drink. this is the easiest way
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
