I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
