If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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