I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
