She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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