Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
