Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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