It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
