I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
