OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
