This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
