normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
