The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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