I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
