Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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