I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
