not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
