we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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