dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize