Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
