Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
