can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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