You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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