Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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