let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
