when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
