I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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