Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
