omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
