Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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