I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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