How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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