Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
