She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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