From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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