youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
