I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
