trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
