I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
