I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
