when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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