he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
