my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
