I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
