So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My hand turned me down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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