Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
