then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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