Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
