yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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