The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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