I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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