I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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