I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
