Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
