There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
