Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
