I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
