I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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