shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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