So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
