its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
