white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
