That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We need to get me chipped asap
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
