In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
