We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
