If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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