i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
