i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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