trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
