3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
