Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
